Matrescence: On the Metamorphosis of Pregnancy, Childbirth and Motherhood (2023)

Abstract

I came across Matrescence by Lucy Jones when I was 9 months deep into my own period of postpartum fog. I hadn’t slept for more than 60 minutes at a time, my hair was falling out in handfuls, I was dehydrated, over-caffeinated, simultaneously over and under stimulated, I had not read a book since my baby was born or brushed my teeth more than once a day. I felt both at my most lonely and my most connected, pulled through by my partner, family and close female friends who had done it before me. I had, up to this point, reliably got through life with a mixture of conscientiousness, enthusiasm and perfectionism. I yearned deeply to become a mum but the reality was not what I expected. My love for my son was like nothing I had ever known, and yet, so was the anxiety. I was consumed with obsessively tracking everything he did in the hope I might finally ‘get it right’. I was supposed to be good at this. This was what I was ‘meant’ to do. However, despite all my preparation and research, my baby wouldn’t sleep, needed held constantly, had a bad latch and cried inconsolably in cafes across the city. In my state of extreme sleep deprivation and mental depletion not only was I seemingly getting everything wrong but I felt wrong too.